Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Ten Commandments

I am not a musician, but I have witnessed a fair amount of performances by bands of every genre and level of competence. The following listing is not only important for players and band members, but is also a nice check list for we audience members.

Ever wonder why you like some bands and not others or why the playing was excellent but the experience was less than expected? The answer may lie within these commandments unearthed by me from a blog called "Phillyblues.com".

Written in 2009, they are so good, the blog has never written another word...or so it seems.

Here they are:





Ten ways to keep it real...

1.
The Stevie Ray Vaughn Clause.
The blues calendar did not start with the birth of Stevie Ray Vaughn. Everyone appreciates SRV for what he did to help get blues out to a larger audience. You, however, are not SRV. Do not attempt to conjure him in any form, be it clothing, guitar straps, your playing style or your bad lyrics. The man is dead, let us all respect his memory and endeavor not to urinate on his grave by our poor interpretations of him. Playing his songs is one thing, trying to be him is, well...disturbing and never successful.

2.
Ego has it's place and it's not in the band.
Ego - for lack of a better word - is good; It's what gives an artist his/her individuality. And there is nothing wrong with laying claim to your skills when you actually have some. However, in a band setting when you have to work - together - with other people for the explicit purpose of creating a musical landscape, your ego does nothing but ruin the experience for everyone else. If you drive 200 miles to a gig in a van (or your cars) and load and unload your own gear, you should think twice about your greatness.

3.
More volume does not translate into more awesomeness.
"But I can't get the tone I want if it's not loud". Yes, and the audience can't find the door fast enough either. It's ok musicians are deaf, but they need to remember they are not playing in an arena; it's usually a small venue holding a couple hundred folks who value the fact they can still hear. If you are unlucky enough to have to suffer dealing with a soundman - who almost always suck and are, you guessed it...too loud, all that can be said is; "tell them what you want, not what they want" and hopefully, you'll get 10% of what you asked for.

4.
The club is not your garage and they don't care about you.
Yes, the club has hired you to entertain and makes the assumption you will all be professional about it. This means you show up on time, play music that the crowd may actually enjoy and generally try to keep an atmosphere alive that is conducive to drinking and picking up chicks. This makes the bar money and usually assures you a return visit. It's not always easy to do when you are stuck next to a pool table and the t.v. above your head isn't even turned off for the show. Don't get confused and think they actually care about you and don't lose sight of the fact you are being paid to endure this, so suck it up. And one other thing: You've spent years learning your instrument, so why do you embarrass yourself with your ten minute, pre-show, solo warmup? You are masturbating and everyone can see it.

5.
Your clothing won't make you a better musician.
Like it or not, clothing can be an important part of live performance but some basic principles apply: Shorts are out. There is no situation, no matter how hot or steamy that warrants wearing shorts to a gig,,unless you are the drummer. Never confuse being 'cool' with looking 'cool'. Bright suits with padded shoulders and wingtips more often than not means your frontman is an idiot with more ego than talent. Learn your craft, dress reasonably nice for shows and the music will do the rest.

6.
Less is more.
If you are confused by this statement, you need to get in the weeds and listen to some of the guys you keep playing every night. Good music requrires every member of a band to know his/her part and play it sparingly within the context of the overall arrangement - at least until it's 'lead' time and then all bets are off. If there is a general rule that separates the men from the boys, this is the one.

7.
Be original.
Playing the rhythm section of any number of Willie Dixon or Muddy Waters tunes and putting your own, lame lyrics over them is NOT original music. It's not even a good effort. Way too many bands put out music that is an exact duplication of some dead guys songs and call it original. This annoying habit is further promulgated by the industry reviewers that usually don't play insturments themselves and think plaigarism is cool. The blues is a suprisingly flexible style of music and offers the artist a broad pallete to be 'unique'. Please do so.


8.
Dynamics, Pocket and Tension & Release are not scientific theories, they are essential parts of 'good' music.
If you don't know what these terms are, google them. If you still don't know what they are after you've read up on them, you have no business being a musician. Music is a conversation we have with an audience we may or may not know. Think about how you talk, argue, lament and discuss things with real people: how your eyebrows move, your hands gesture and how your voice goes up and down to emphasis a point. If you feel you are incapable of utilizing these practices, it may be time to consider a Jimmy Buffet tribute band.

9.
The ability to play the guitar well does not mean you can also sing.
Some musicians think they can't get famous without naming a band after themselves and judging by the way publications and even blues societies tend to value the soloist over the group, there may be some truth to that. However, the ability to play does not always translate to the ability to sing. Many great arrangements have been descimated by some egotist that can't hold pitch or phrase a lyric to save their life because they named the band after themselves and feel obligated to now ruin your experience for the betterment of their career. The voice is an instrument and is every bit as important as all the other ones in the band. If you are curious why someone would allow their music to suffer because they insist on singing, refer to point #2 .

10.
Practice and listen to those that do it a lot better than you.
The blues greats didn't get that way all by themselves, they listened to other players and musical styles. They practiced their art and then shared it with others. Have respect for your music; take it seriously, pratice, listen to what other cats are doing and have fun. If you do that, the audience will respond and you'll really enjoy yourself. That's keepin' it real.


Even the best musician is likely to violate one of these musical rules on a given night, however if you violate more than three, you are being a troll.

The blues is the greatest music in the world. This has been an effort to make sure it stays that way.

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